Years ago I was given a choice. Provide or give my everything to those closest to me. It was at a time when all I did was work. Managing work, properties and giving any remaining time to family. My family suffered as I was never really happy, working all the time.
So, one day, while escorting a friend on a personal retreat, I thought maybe it was time to reevaluate my time spent on this plain. Keep giving my time away to those around me and take for granted those closest to me, thinking they will understand. I was wrong.
During my friends retreat I was able to go inward, asking what to do. With a thunderous voice…”give it all up, focus on the home. If your home is not clear your life will continue to be a constant behind the eight ball kind of life.” Humbled by these words I fell to my knees.
It was at that moment, some twelve years ago, that I chose to give it all up. While money, power and providing for my family was important…I understood we needed very little and my time was more important. So I changed.
Not over night, but over time I sold the properties and stepped down from my managerial role, committing all my time to the kids and my beloved Cristal. The most important ones in our lives are not to be taken for granted but constantly in the center of attention in our lives.
There was a price for this. Less flow of money and less time with friends around me. Gradually friends begged me for my time and began disappearing into the sunset of time. So much guilt experienced as they requested more of my time. Then I remembered that voice telling me who needs my time for the next ten to eighteen years.
There will be kids activities, car-pooling, events that may not be my cup of tea…but to those I love, it means the world. I needed to live through their eyes and enjoyment, allowing them to shine. The caution here is giving to much of myself away, sacrificing my own personal happiness. With time I found balance.
No longer going out for beers or tearing up the town, I found solitude in quiet time. Recharging my batteries if you will, allowing more energy to those closest to me. Sadly, friends still yearn for my time. I can only hope for their understanding and my commitment fully to family and with any luck they will do the same…worrying less about ‘going out.”
While going out is very healthy for us, it is the conversation that follows which can make or break our downtime. If we go out to just cut loose, are we really getting to the core of our tension? If we go out to have a deeper conversation, discussing possible changes in our own selves…then to me is meaningful downtime. My humble opinion of course…and that is what worked for me. May be different for others.
So I reevaluate once again at the choices I have made, coming to a similar conclusion some twelve years ago…I made the right choice and I am right where I need to be.
Stepping into the Canvas with greater purpose…for I am giving it all away. Freely giving of self, allowing others to find their course, sharing in Love and happiness. For my reality is personal and others are their own, painting my own they are painting theirs. Wishing you a Syncrosensational day…Ani Po