Giving it all Away

standing alone

Years ago I was given a choice. Provide or give my everything to those closest to me. It was at a time when all I did was work. Managing work, properties and giving any remaining time to family. My family suffered as I was never really happy, working all the time.

So, one day, while escorting a friend on a personal retreat, I thought maybe it was time to reevaluate my time spent on this plain. Keep giving my time away to those around me and take for granted those closest to me, thinking they will understand. I was wrong.

During my friends retreat I was able to go inward, asking what to do. With a thunderous voice…”give it all up, focus on the home. If your home is not clear your life will continue to be a constant behind the eight ball kind of life.” Humbled by these words I fell to my knees.

It was at that moment, some twelve years ago, that I chose to give it all up. While money, power and providing for my family was important…I understood we needed very little and my time was more important. So I changed.

Not over night, but over time I sold the properties and stepped down from my managerial role, committing all my time to the kids and my beloved Cristal. The most important ones in our lives are not to be taken for granted but constantly in the center of attention in our lives.

There was a price for this. Less flow of money and less time with friends around me. Gradually friends begged me for my time and began disappearing into the sunset of time. So much guilt experienced as they requested more of my time. Then I remembered that voice telling me who needs my time for the next ten to eighteen years.

There will be kids activities, car-pooling, events that may not be my cup of tea…but to those I love, it means the world. I needed to live through their eyes and enjoyment, allowing them to shine. The caution here is giving to much of myself away, sacrificing my own personal happiness. With time I found balance.

No longer going out for beers or tearing up the town, I found solitude in quiet time. Recharging my batteries if you will, allowing more energy to those closest to me. Sadly, friends still yearn for my time. I can only hope for their understanding and my commitment fully to family and with any luck they will do the same…worrying less about ‘going out.”

While going out is very healthy for us, it is the conversation that follows which can make or break our downtime. If we go out to just cut loose, are we really getting to the core of our tension? If we go out to have a deeper conversation, discussing possible changes in our own selves…then to me is meaningful downtime. My humble opinion of course…and that is what worked for me. May be different for others.

So I reevaluate once again at the choices I have made, coming to a similar conclusion some twelve years ago…I made the right choice and I am right where I need to be.

Stepping into the Canvas with greater purpose…for I am giving it all away. Freely giving of self, allowing others to find their course, sharing in Love and happiness. For my reality is personal and others are their own, painting my own they are painting theirs. Wishing you a Syncrosensational day…Ani Po

I Am On Purpose

Whether we truly know where we are headed or have no idea, we must realize that we are all on purpose. Whether a goal setter, or couch potato…Yes, we are all on purpose.

Struggling with this lesson many times myself, I came to a place of knowing that I too am on purpose. This morning at the gym I saw many fitness enthusiasts with goals of marathons, triathlon, weight loss, or just all around well-being, leaving me to ponder…where are my goals?

Often recommending goal-setting to friends and clients, etc., I am left wondering what goals do I have? Then I ponder…what do we need goals if we are living in the moment. Is this just an excuse not to set goals? Is this a reason to not move forward? Some might say yes, but I know better. Not better for anybody else but myself. I write this not for myself but hopes that others will find their purpose whether it be in the goals or just in the moment. The key to any success is always in the moment…with or without goals.

Laughing now, recollecting the confirmation this morning…Going through my daily morning ritual: going to the gym, sitting in the steam room, clearing my head…Oh wait, today I can’t clear my head…The 10,000 things surface. Interrupted by my daily routine, with the 10,000 things, I evacuate the steam room in hopes of gathering my thoughts elsewhere. In disbelief that I could get distracted with the 10,000 things, self judgment sets in, as many humans experience. This lasts for a moment and then I move on with the question of, once again…what is my purpose? At the moment of my question, the answer appears.

At the very moment I asked where am I going? And what is my purpose? The dial antiperspirant falls over mysteriously, and reads… Purpose: antiperspirant. Laughing now at myself, I realized that I’m not to “sweat it.”  **Pun intended**Some might say this is coincidence, some might not, whatever the case the answer appeared to me this morning.

I invite you to be open to the many questions, mysteries and more importantly answers that follow. The answers can come in many shapes and sizes. Whether in a simple dial spray can or in the sprouting mushrooms from the decaying earth (which I discuss in a earlier lesson of the mushroom, in a previous posting “I AM That”). When we are open to the answers…They mysteriously show up.

Expanding on this lesson, I think of myself as being imperfect and brings a smile to my face knowing that I truly am imperfect. Aware of this imperfection, I land in perfection.

Judge me for my perfections,

judge me not for my imperfections.~Ani Po

Further contemplating this lesson, deepening my thoughts of the 10,000 things. I’ve arrived at the possibility that the 10,000 things maybe a distraction, keeping me from finding that peace within. Can they also be an attraction of peace within? Today in the steam room if I were to let go of focusing on my breath, I would surely have fallen asleep. But the 10,000 things floating around in my mind…I am kept awake by my monkey-mind. And what’s the purpose of the 10,000 things. While the 10,000 things can be a distraction they can also work to your benefit, guiding you in the direction of need.

Instead of dissolving the 10,000 things be with them, be with the 10,000 things…allowing them to be present. Allowing them to be present, we can dismiss them as needed or remain with them as needed. Please no rules on your quietude…Just remain in the moment. Being in the moment we find purpose once again…just for that moment. In that moment we find purpose and that purpose presents itself in our daily activities.

Stepping into the Canvas with Purpose. Whatever goals or lack of goals you set, there is no right, there is no wrong…there just is. Be present in this very moment and allow yourself to enjoy every aspect of the Canvas of Life. We are meant to enjoy this world, not the opposing. Make it what you will, enjoy it as you do…♥ Joseph

Alone and Scared

Laying alone in this room.

No one else around.

Will they come to pay their last respects,

Or remain an empty room?

Sadness fills the halls,

Failing to see the celebration.

When my time has come,

I hope to have left my mark.

Thoughts of the past,

Now anew.

Do nothing,

All I need to do.

My mark etched…

In every stone

From here

To Nantucket…but I did nothing.