Obstacles of Truth
what was unseen, visually presenting today
It was fifteen years ago that my world would take a turn towards the light, a time in life consumed by wanting to build a better place, while living the illusion it of building an empire, providing unlimited compensation. Until one day a little girl, at the age of three, pleaded with me “Daddy, are you happy?”
This pure soul confronting me, pleading, asking if I am happy could not be ignored. At first thought I was, sacrificing everything to attain, provide for my family, believing a bigger house was needed, more toys in the garage or the children’s play area…this was not the case.
Sitting with a question from a three-year-old, knowing that when children speak one should listen, it sat with me for a while, chipping away at the psyche, rocking inner thoughts to wanting more. This would be my first obstacle on this path of stepping into the canvas in a better, brighter way.
Before this young one’s encounter, witnessing a roller coaster of events in personal life, I knew it was time to walk the path before me.But where would this road lead? Where and what am I to do with this decision? Take the step.
On that day, making a decision to heed the calling of the inner self, those wise teachers before me preaching to a choir that was only concerned with doing solos and standing out. There is nothing wrong with standing out, on a soapbox or singing a solo for others to hear, the discernment was whether it was feeding my soul.
Who is it?
An opportunity was knocking and for the first time with attentive ears, I was listening. Open to receive all there was with regards to the betterment of self, nourishing a deeper desire to provide much more for family and those closest to me.
Beginning with self, receiving input from varying facets, reading books once unknown, witnessing parallels with thought and actions to the physical reality I call the Canvas, life changed synchronously. Focusing on self, adapting, tireless integration of past, present, and future, home life began to change. Noticing that as I changed, those closest to me began to change.
Whether or not these people actually changed or perception of others shifted along with my changes in life, the point is that life just got personally brighter and those around me reaped the benefits of the work at hand.
So the first obstacle was, now what? What do I do with this newfound idea of being a better person, letting go of whom I was and who is it that I want to be? The first message was received at this time of interference. Write about it. Journal if you must, but share stories that presented before, during, and what is to come. What you benefit from, others shall too.
As if the universe heard a personal cry “how? How am I to do this?” Answering through a messenger, my wife presents me with a journal book.
Why did you get me this?
I don’t know. Just thought you might want to write about where you have been or your thoughts for the day.
While the journal remained empty for a couple of years, through another friend’s discourse, I set out to rewrite my own.
With journal in hand, stepping into the unknown, at the time it was a forest, asking to fill these pages with self-discovery, discernment, pondering thoughts if you will, recording events of past, present, and future. Raw and rudimentary, the download would begin.
First downloading my understanding of self, as if clearing memory of perception and reality, discarding a knowing to be true, a new slate was presented, an empty journal to fill with a deeper understanding of what may be. The universe, Great Mystery, aided in defragging the subconscious of who I thought was to be. Literally wiping memory clean, making way for new data, a deeper understanding was born.
Songs I used to sing as a child, no longer memorized. Artists of old had gone, only a distant memory that would occasionally present in a timely fashion. No longer needing to be right or have answers, I simply observed those around me, noting similarities in unconscious suffering within.
Obstacle two came when researching new platforms to present my thoughts. WordPress knocked on door of opportunity and I answered. Stepping into the Canvas was born and I started writing on WordPress about nine years ago, sharing short stories, personal entanglement with a collective whole. It was at this time I noticed the collective influence of who we are. Whether astrologically or seasonal change, didn’t matter, there was a pattern at play.
I knew WordPress was not the only platform to present observations, I continued sharing positive messages for the day, or just sharing ‘messages’ that were now coming faster than ever before.
Why does one choose to write?
When I was twelve, I recall a conversation with an individual where they asked what you see yourself doing when you retire. I thought this was an odd question for a twelve-year-old but entertained the idea and jokingly declaring I would write and paint when I am older. Little did I know then what I know now, that our thoughts create our reality, and at this young age I somehow knew I would share my inner workings with the world.
Maybe I could write a book?! Get paid?! Make a living off the proceeds? At first, it was enticing, but the greater reward came from witnessing those around me taking a leap of faith, finding themselves in the process.
Obstacle three came in the form of boredom. Does anyone read my work? Does anyone listen to the messages presented? The obstacle was self in this case, consistently doubting self and purpose in life.
I quit writing for a short time, actually a week, until a person least thought to have been listening wrote “are you ok? Why have you stopped writing? I miss the words you share and they have helped me immensely.”
Gratitude for the feedback, but more importantly they were taking steps into the canvas of life.
The Canvas of Life is all around us, raw and incomplete or as it should be, awaiting our input, our co-creative dance with All There Is. Reflecting on this, writing continued.
Go tell that person they are loved.
Take this gas can with you.
Go to this meeting of Reiki practitioners.
Listen to their stories, question them.
The messages kept coming and as a good servant to Great Mystery, I began boldly challenging others in ways they did not think of. Calling their bluff, as I once did with self, calling bullshit on their reality, uncomfortably speaking with authority once unknown to me, I confronted an inner demon that resides in me and those around me.
At the time afraid and leery of speaking so boldly, but that is what was being asked of me, I complied with the calling of Spirit. For the first time witnessing the timeliness of my arrival, all things were happening right on time.
Conversations became more engaging, rewarding for all parties and the energy levels soared as I complied with Spirit’s wishes to Show Up.
Like a young monk asking his or her teacher, the answers were always the same Chop wood, carry water. Discerning this lesson, I went back to my daily events in a present sense of being, allowing the Universe to work through me versus trying to understanding my place in this world.
Obstacle four came out of the left field. After thirteen years of undoing, remapping the inner circuitry to being, accepting self as whole and holy as All There Is, those around me were repelled, thrown into another galaxy with claims that I have lost my mind and they could not give me what I need.
They were right.
What do we need? Is it primal basic needs? Or is there deeper wisdom of knowing we need nothing at all other than accepting our place in this Great Mystery?
Had I not completed the last thirteen years of undoing, I do not think I would have been strong enough to withstand the accusations from others. While life presented a new level of chaos, resulting in questioning the integration of self in this strange new world, a deeper acceptance of self and all beings conferred, allowing a wider range of thought. Reaching for pen, or keyboard, writing (righting) my wrongs.
Being pressured to write and get paid by those closest to me, a voice comes forward to remember why we are here and what remnant truth holds firmly in our hearts.
Ah yes…thank you for the reminder. It is as true today as it was thirteen years ago, the aim of any writings by myself or another writer, in my opinion, is to help self and others who may or may not go through similar discourse. Time will tell as to whether an exchange fee will be an added bonus to my reward, but like other writers can I get seduced into wanting more monetary gain. The seduction is real and Ego desires a grandiose platform with the possibility of a name in lights. There is no right or wrong answer to this dilemma, there is only a matter of what we need on deeper levels of self.
A year ago, while at a local gym, a friend calls me out “why are you still writing on WordPress and Facebook? There is a bigger platform that people, from all backgrounds, use to get their message out.”
Medium was new to me but open to trying a new platform, I began sharing thoughts to Medium first, WordPress Secondly and finally sharing to Facebook. This was obstacle five.
What I learned firsthand, was I had a lot to learn about writing. In the beginning, I channeled thoughts, raw and unfiltered, but quickly learned that Medium was much more interested in developed thought, structured and documented precision of sorts. Turning now to poetry as an outlet to thought, abstract and free for personal translation by the readers, practicing non-attachment to what is perceived by others.
Not worrying about what or when I should write, new opportunities unfold. My dream world, while trying to navigate meaning, was another possibility to tell a story. Numerous short stories have resulted in my willingness to rewrite my own story in a non-biased way. This exciting time came with numerous authors challenging me to dive deeper into the creative world of writing.
Knowing thoughts become things, words become reality, here presents potentiality for holding space for a creative dance with inspiration, allowing others to dance with their own inspiration. The time is now, for self, for others, to stand firmly in the unknown, accepting the Canvas of Life in all its mysteries.
The Latest and surely not the last obstacle comes with a question presented in this weekend’s prompt, are they really obstacles in the first place, or are they detours towards the right direction. I have come to know the answer to this question but will not divulge my thoughts on this topic…but I am pretty sure you can sense where I lean.
Thank you for reading, sharing your thoughts and allowing me to grow with you.