Just returning from a wonderful trip, to a Kirtan one and a half hours away, I reflect now on where I sit. I sit before you not any better than one person, but better than I used to be. The beauty of this story it is for everyone of us. It is a story of reflection on where I have been, the pains I have traveled, and where I am now.

In order to get here and now, I had to give up the misery leading to this point in time. We are all told to think outside of the box, but for many work within the confines of a cubicle. How are we supposed to think outside of the box while we are told to get back in?

In order to get out of the box, we have to think outside of the box. With a little effort, we are all capable of achieving what we come here to do….happiness. Are you ready to begin? Do you believe in yourself?

In order to take the first step, we have to be willing to stand firmly in what it is we want. After that, with a little more effort we will assuredly reach our destined goal. Sometimes achieving the future, we have to go back and dig up a little more dirt. Returning to our past, we learn something far greater within ourselves…we learn who we truly are.

When I was eighteen, I was at the top of my game. As we all have said this, I believed I was invincible. Knowing what I know now…true invincibility comes with laying it all on the line. Sharing our personal stories with others, or the ones we hold dear, we learn even more about ourselves.

At eighteen, I began living a very social life. Pleasing everyone while being the life of the party. One day in particular, while my parents where away, I decided to host a party. My sister, at the time was to oversee what took place within the household while my parents where away and she was not going to be an easy sell. Idea! Invite some of her friends over to partake in this gathering.

Feeding her a few beverages, she began to soften her stronghold upon the house. After spending the entire day cleaning house cleaning, with particular attention to the basement, the party was about to begin. During the preparations, I found a box filled with collectibles that belonged to my father. At the time I thought nothing of the consequences, only the joy of having these wonderful collectibles.

The party was a big hit and everyone had a good time. The house returned to the way it was and all would be good. I was so wrong.

When my parents returned they noticed the immaculately cleaned basement. When my father asked why, I explained I had a few people over and everything was well-managed. He was both pleased and also suspicious of what may have taken place. To my surprise, he immediately noticed something missing.

Note: I tell you this story to share one of my many flaws. To not only show that I am not perfect, but invite others to clean their own slate. It is in our cleansing of that slate, we find true happiness. While we may be happy…if their is hidden guilt, happiness will only be masked by some other force. Clean the slate, let go of the guilt and keep moving forward.

Upon my fathers discovery, I quickly dismissed it with stating my friends must have found them. For the next eighteen years, I would carry the guilt of stealing, lying and cheating my father out of his own prize possessions. The possessions in discussion are old and rare coins, valued in the thousands.

At least two to three times a year, my father would bring up that moment and discuss how my friend choices have not always been of good mind. Enough! After having recurring dreams about the haunting of these coins, it was time to come clean. The icing on the cake is when my wife had the same dream about the coins. “I had the weirdest dream. I dreamed that you had a silver box in the rafters of the basement, filled with coins. What does that mean to you?”

I knew exactly what this means. It was time to go see my father. Come clean and ask for forgiveness. Have you ever heard of spouses sharing a recurring dream? It is possible to have a recurring dream, only to have a spouse share it…even without ever telling them of the dream. Recurring dreams are often a repeating lesson presenting itself…pay attention.

So I called my father.

Dad, you want to go to breakfast? With hesitation in his voice, as he thought something horrible was coming, he agreed. Not sure if he thought Cristal and I were moving out-of-state again, or if I was going to tell him we were splitting up…whatever he thought, he was very concerned.

After breakfast, I drove my father home. Before he got out of the car, I asked him to hear my story. Dad, remember when you and mom went to Germany for vacation and I had a party?

“You mean when your friends stole my coin collection?

Yes that is the time. Well, what if I told you I have every last one of them?

“You mean you recovered them? Who had them?”

It was me dad. It was me all along. For the past eighteen years I have carried the guilt of lying, stealing and cheating you. With guilt so great it manifested into physical ailments. Well dad, at the risk of losing your Love and trust, I have to confess and ask for forgiveness. I cannot bear to carry the guilt anymore. I know that you may never forgive me, but I have to forgive myself for what I did in my younger years.

Stunned at what I just told him, my father asks…“You have all of them?”

Every last one of them! In fact, they are right behind your seat.

Can I see them?

You can have them.

Silence filled the truck as we sat for a minute or two just absorbing the conversation.

Son, I can’t imagine the guilt you may have carried for so many years. The pain it caused or the nightmares you may have had. What I do know is that you have far exceeding any level of manhood that I could achieve. With tears in his eyes. I am so very proud of you, still upset, but so very proud of you for coming forward to set things straight. Again, I could never do what you have done today.

We embraced and the wound was closed. However, a day does not go by in which I am reminded of that day. As I visit my parents…up on a shelf for all to see…lay a little wooden box. Only my father and I know what symbolism that box contains, as it was the box I returned all of his favorite coins.

So what does this have to do with Stepping into the Canvas? Stepping into the Canvas is not just going out and enjoying all that nature has to offer. No. It is life situations and making the best of our current situations, with hopes of reaching one more level of syncrosensational. No matter where we go or where we have been, we have the choice to be happy. I have met some wonderful people, with horrible circumstances…but they chose to remain happy. How do they do it? How do they remain happy when a daughter was brutally murdered or their father died of cancer…they just do.

Stepping into the Canvas, while it gives us immediate joy through sight, sound and olfactory, there is a deeper joy awaiting. When we take that first step into the canvas, we consciously assert that from this day forward, I will be happy. It is in this first step the trees seem greener, the sky more blue, the birds sing louder and the world itself tastes sweeter than candy.

Whether just wandering through the forest, wading in a body of water or traipsing through the mundane of the day, we have the lessons of nature to guide us in our ways. See the beauty in All there Is, and IT shall be yours forever.

Feeling vulnerable, as I close this post. Vulnerable in the judgment of what others may say, or friendships it may test. The higher purpose continues typing, as it is not meant for me…

Opening the Box I free that which was hidden beneath the cover. Emptied, releasing the burden, I am freed.~Ani Po